why confidence matters.

When you meet someone for the first time, what are the things you can't help but notice right away? Their smile? Their outfit? Their speech pattern? Their strut?

Whether this person is a potential employee, a promising love interest, a friend-of-a-friend, or anyone in between, you can tell nearly instantly what type of confidence they are radiating. Are they bubbly, smiling, and maintaining eye contact with you? Or are they staring at their feet, slumped over, and barely able to maintain conversation for 30 seconds? And what immense weight that initial meeting carries on your impression of that new person!

Having confidence is about believing in yourself and your worth. Being comfortable in your skin; whether you feel like you could afford to loose a few pounds, wish you had a whiter smile, or are a little insecure about your height. What you may see as flaws, others may see as beautiful. And what others see as flaws, you may see as beautiful. Embracing yourself for who you are can be one of the hardest challenges you'll ever face. Some of us spend our entire lives wishing we were something or someone different. Meanwhile, others come to terms with every single part of themselves, and appreciate flaws and perfections for what they are. In your lifetime, you will come across people who are confident despite the fact that societal norms say they are overweight, could use a nose job, or are handicapped. Confidence is often about defying society's standard for beauty; whether internal or external.

Just a quick search online will tell a story far deeper than you could possibly imagine. Statistics about what America's ideals of weight, height, and skin tone are. Ideals about eye color, facial features, sexual orientation, creed, and personality traits. What happens when we take a look at the real picture? If we were to take the population and pull the people out that fit the mold for "beauty," we'd see why so many men and women these days struggle with issues of self-confidence and self-esteem. Of course, some say society as a whole has come a long way in accepting and altering their idea of beauty. And that may be true. I think it's safe to say we still have a long way to go; but it has to begin somewhere. And that somewhere is within each of us. Next time you walk into a room, stand up straight and smile. Wear something that makes you feel good. Talk about your passions. Set goals and strive to reach them. Believe in yourself and your worth. Stand for something. Create a positive environment for the people around you. Defy others standards and write your own. The ways of changing your life for the better are endless, and it all comes back to one thing; you. Be confident in yourself and good things will come your way.

stop holding yourself back.

I recently discovered a wonderfully inspiring article about how we can start living more fulfilled and happier lives, which can be read in its entirety here. And what better time to reflect on how we are holding ourselves back from living the best lives possible than the beginning of a brand new year. Hello 2012! Below you will find some fabulous food for thought, as written by Marc & Angel.

Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing. 

pay it forward.

Personally, I think there is no better feeling than making someone's day better, especially if it's for no reason at all. This may mean something as simple as complimenting their shirt, holding the door, offering to carry something, paying for their coffee, asking them how they are doing (and being genuinely interested in their answer!), or simply flashing your pearly whites in their direction. Maybe it means bringing someone a little treat; a candy bar, a fancy pen, a bouquet of flowers, or some freshly baked cookies. Everyone is capable of partaking in a random act of kindness. It's so simple and how good does it feel to see someone's reaction to your deed? I think we all need to get a more inspired- More inspired to be great. More inspired to be kind. More inspired to smile. More inspired to do good. More inspired to change the world. And more inspired to live a life you're proud of. Be proud this week by doing something for someone with no expectation for being repaid for it. Spreading that kind of love will not only make you feel great, but maybe it will inspire them to pay your good deed forward. And there is no such thing as too many good deeds.

"You have never really lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."

a real life reminder; mackenzie pratt.

 A year ago today, a friend, teammate, and inspiration of mine passed away at age 21. Mackenzie Pratt grew up in a town not far from mine. She loved softball just as much as I did, if not more. She was a three-sport high school athlete, a D3 college softball star, an avid volunteer, and one of the most positive people I have ever had the opportunity to share time with. We played at summer softball tournaments as teammates, sharing hotel rooms together, meals together, and an enormous amount of laughter. "Mac," as we would call her, would be the one person you could count on to remain positive even in times of loss or hardship on the softball field. What I didn't realize was she was the same way in times of profound personal struggle. Her junior year of high school, she found a strange lump in her neck and after several tests, including one which doctors discovered a softball sized tumor in her chest, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. She never let it phase her. She remained incredibly positive throughout treatments despite being physically and emotionally exhausted. That was just how Mac was in all parts of her life. Treatment allowed her to resume high school classes and her real passion; sports. She graduated and went on to attend Norwich University and join their D3 softball squad. The cancer came back a second time, she received more treatment, and continued to push forward in pursuing her nursing degree, which her disease inspired her to pursue. The beginning of her senior year, the cancer came back a third time and this time it beat her, with just months to go before receiving her diploma.

The thing I remember most vividly about Mackenzie was just how positive she was during the extremely long and trialing battle. How easily she could have given up the fight and let it defeat her years before it did. Instead she somehow always had a smile on her face, and never wanted people to feel bad for her. She kept the best attitude and fought with grace and heart. 

"She was an inspiration to young and old alike with her spirit, perseverance, and positive outlook that extended into, not only her stellar college career at Norwich, but her day to day interactions in general.  We would have been remiss not to honor the amazing young woman she was." -Geri Witalec.

Mackenzie's legacy lives on today through several scholarship funds and through the constant reminder of just how short life can be. I urge you to let Mac's story give you a changed outlook. Life is short, but tragically shorter for others. When life throws you the worst kind of curve ball; fight. Fight for those who lost the battle before you and the ones that will lose it after you. And at the end of the day let us all keep our own trials and tribulations in perspective.