it's ok to be selfish.

Why do so many people struggle to put themselves first? Why does making a personal choice sometime result in a sense of guilt? Well, because social cues everywhere suggest that selfishness is ugly. And it can be. But there is a vast separation between making a choice that is best for you, and being selfish.

Life gets busy. Our commitments seem to grow at the speed of light. Schedules begin to overflow and we find ourselves having to make sacrifices. When it comes to having to make a trade-off, too many of us find it easiest to cut out our personal time. Or even worse, we end up swapping sleep for getting everything done. We have to slow down and remember that we can only be as good for everyone else, as we are for ourselves. In other words, if we are stressed and exhausted, it will absolutely affect how we are able to perform our daily tasks. Our work may suffer. Our energy levels will suffer. Our parenting may suffer. Our friendships may suffer. Our romantic relationships may suffer. Our health may suffer. If we don't practice a certain level of selfishness, it is easy to find ourselves drowning.

No person should feel guilty for scheduling in personal time. A gym session 3 times a week. A cooking class. Time to indulge in a good book. Whatever your medicine may be, make it a priority to drink it down.  And better yet, make sure the people around you (husbands, wives, friends, significant others, brothers, sisters, children, etc.) also have time for themselves. It may mean giving your significant other one night a week to have the house to herself. It may mean your husband agreeing to take care of the kids solo one night a week. It may mean telling your boss that you need to renegotiate your hours. It may mean having to trade in an excess commitment for some precious down time. And most of all, it may mean being honest with yourself; you aren't some sort of superhero that can function on little sleep and a diet of fast food between activities. Be reasonable.

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty for having to say no or admitting you are burnt out. The reason we strive so hard to maintain great relationships with our friends, lovers, and family members is so we can rely on them. We rely on them to pick up the extra slack, and be understanding of our wants and needs. Just like they rely on us to do the same. It's a give-and-take. Above all else, remember that life is too short to spend your time doing the things you don't want to be doing (within reason). Living your life to someone else's standards or expectations is just as ridiculous. At the end of the day, your priorities should include making sure you are living and happiest and healthiest life you can; and no, that's not selfish.

spread to thin.

I have found myself, several times in my life, with just too much on my plate. And it's safe to say that we've all found ourselves in that scenario at one point or another. Whether it's trying to balance school, a career, a family, friends, a workout routine, a beauty regimen, a diet, a budget, a relationship, a social life, or any of these (plus more!) combined, there will inevitably reach a point where you sort of hit a wall. Often times, we experience heightened emotional reactions, while other times our bodies shut down and we become physically sick- think colds, the flu, skin breakouts, or cold sores. When we experience a high level of stress (especially over long periods of time- chronic stress or anxiety), we are making ourselves more susceptible to illness. It's important to focus on prevention- keeping ourselves from getting extremely worn down in the first place. This may mean sacrificing activities when our schedules become too extreme. Many of us think we are some sort of superhuman superhero, but the reality is we are not (Harsh, I know). We all have our limitations, and our daily requirements for healthy functionality- things like sleep or caloric intake that allow us to "run" properly.

Prevention is the best way to avoid hitting a brick wall physically and emotionally. Sometimes you need to learn to say "no." It's hard for some of us because we want to be able to do and have it all. We want to make everyone happy, surpass expectations, and prove to the world that nothing will get us down, oh no it won't. We all need a hefty dose of reality though; we can only perform to the best of our ability if we take care of #1 first. You can only be as good for your boyfriend, wife, family, children, boss, coworker, or workout instructor, as you are yourself. You can't expect to pass through your day with flying colors if parts of you are malfunctioning.

So how can we prevent ourselves from pushing ourselves too far? How do we know when to say "when"? How do we know when enough is enough? The truth is that no one knows you better than yourself, especially when it comes to how you are feeling on the inside. Don't feel like having to turn something or someone down because you know you physically or emotionally cannot handle it is going to be an end-of-the-world disappointment- life goes on. The only person you will be letting down in the long run is yourself, when you inevitably reach that point where you are physically ill, emotionally distraught, and then forced to sit out because your body won't let you take another step. Take a moment to consider the big picture when you commit to adding something else to your schedule or agreeing to meet certain expectations. Ask yourself if it's truly going to be worth it. Because I guarantee there will be a point where you do find yourself saying it wasn't worth it.

Tips for Prevention: Make a schedule. Be honest with others. Be honest with yourself. Set limitations. Establish boundaries. Ask for help. Verbalize your concerns. Learn your limits. Give yourself a break. Take care of yourself. Make priorities. Take some credit. Above all, just be realistic- you are one single human being, and as much as you think you can go through life constantly pressing the envelope, it will catch up with you. And recovering is much harder than preventing is.