simplicity is the key to successful living.

 "A simple life has a different meaning and a different value for every person. For me, it means eliminating all but the essential, eschewing chaos for peace, and spending your time doing what’s important to you. It means getting rid of many of the things you do so you can spend time with people you love and do the things you love. It means getting rid of the clutter so you are left with only that which gives you value. However, getting to simplicity isn’t always a simple process. It’s a journey, not a destination, and it can often be a journey of two steps forward, and one backward." 

-Leo Babauta

Every couple of months, I find myself reflecting on my current life status. Am I happy? Do I feel fulfilled? Stressed? Anxious? Complacent? Desiring more? And every time, no matter how happy or unhappy I am with my relationship, friendships, job, fitness level, financial status, etc., it all comes back to one thing. I need to live more simply. As people in the year 2011, we are constantly bombarded with information via media. Commercials, billboards, news articles, the world wide web, facebook- you name it, we have access. We can gather based on this information, what sort of lives people near and far are living- the clothes they wear, their standard of living, their fitness routines, their financial status, their relationships, family lives, belongings, routines, habits. Too often, we get caught up in trying to duplicate the lives of the lavishly rich or famous, because well, they look like they are having so much fun riding in their fancy cars, wearing the latest fashions, jet setting into the sunset, and attending parties fit for a king. There is a wide spectrum, of course- Anywhere from just trying to keep up with the Jones', to honestly attempting to replicate some of the insanity we see on TV- but on a budget a thousand times smaller. So what gives?

The reality is we all need to live more simply. Credit card debt shouldn't exist in the insane ways it does today. Young girls starving themselves to look like the airbrushed photographs of their favorite actresses shouldn't exist. The notion of "needing" 15 pairs of jeans, or 45 pairs of shoes shouldn't exist. The earth's present environmental condition and resource drainage shouldn't exist. How did things get so crazy? Since when did the pressure to live our lives to a certain standard become so unbearably rigid? We spend so much time, energy, and money on things we truly don't need, despite the fact that the media tells us otherwise. As I reflect today on how I am guilty of buying, doing, and acting - in a particular manner- I ask myself how it is I can get back to the basics. So, with the world wide web at my fingertips, I came across Leo Babauta's website and his article "Simple Living Manifesto: 72 Ideas to Simplify Your Life." Here are some of my favorite of his ideas:

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Make a list of your top 4-5 important things. What’s most important to you? What do you value most? What 4-5 things do you most want to do in your life? Simplifying starts with these priorities, as you are trying to make room in your life so you have more time for these things. Evaluate your commitments. Look at everything you’ve got going on in your life. Everything, from work to home to civic to kids’ activities to hobbies to side businesses to other projects. Think about which of these really gives you value, which ones you love doing. Which of these are in line with the 4-5 most important things you listed above? Drop those that aren’t in line with those things. Evaluate your time. How do you spend your day? What things do you do, from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep? Make a list, and evaluate whether they’re in line with your priorities. If not, eliminate the things that aren’t, and focus on what’s important. Redesign your day. Learn to say no. This is actually one of the key habits for those trying to simplify their lives. If you can’t say no, you will take on too much. Limit your communications. Our lives these days are filled with a vast flow of communications: email, IM, cell phones, paper mail, Skype, Twitter, forums, and more. It can take up your whole day if you let it. Instead, put a limit on your communications: only do email at certain times of the day, for a certain number of minutes (I recommend twice a day, but do what works for you). Only do IM once a day, for a limited amount of time. Limit phone calls to certain times too. Same with any other communications. Set a schedule and stick to it. Limit your media consumption. This tip won’t be for everyone, so if media consumption is important to you, please skip it (as with any of the other tips). However, I believe that the media in our lives — TV, radio, Internet, magazines, etc. — can come to dominate our lives. Don’t let it. Simplify your life and your information consumption by limiting it. Try a media fast. Purge your stuff. If you can devote a weekend to purging the stuff you don’t want, it feels seriously terrific. Get boxes and trash bags for the stuff you want to donate or toss.  Create a simplicity statement. What do you want your simple life to look like? Write it out. Limit your buying habits. If you are a slave to materialism and consumerism, there are ways to escape it. I was there, and although I haven’t escaped these things entirely, I feel much freer of it all. If you can escape materialism, you can get into the habit of buying less. And that will mean less stuff, less spending, less freneticism. Free up time. Find ways to free up time for the important stuff. That means eliminating the stuff you don’t like, cutting back on time wasters, and making room for what you want to do. Do what you love. Once you’ve freed up some time, be sure to spend that extra time doing things you love. Go back to your list of 4-5 important things. Do those, and nothing else. Spend time with people you love. Again, the list of 4-5 important things probably contains some of the people you love (if not, you may want to re-evaluate). Whether those people are a spouse, a partner, children, parents, other family, best friends, or whoever, find time to do things with them, talk to them, be intimate with them (not necessarily in sexual ways). Spend time alone. Free up time for yourself — to spend in solitude. Alone time is good for you, although some people aren’t comfortable with it. It could take practice getting used to the quiet, and making room for your inner voice. It sounds new-agey, I know, but it’s extremely calming. And this quiet is necessary for finding out what’s important to you. Eat slowly. If you cram your food down your throat, you are not only missing out on the great taste of the food, you are not eating healthy. Slow down to lose weight, improve digestion, and enjoy life more. Drive slowly. Most people rush through traffic, honking and getting angry and frustrated and stressed out. And endangering themselves and others in the meantime. Driving slower is not only safer, but it is better on your fuel bill, and can be incredibly peaceful. Give it a try. Be present. These two words can make a huge difference in simplifying your life. Living here and now, in the moment, keeps you aware of life, of what is going on around you and within you. It does wonders for your sanity. Establish routines. The key to keeping your life simple is to create simple routines. Learn to live frugally. Living frugally means buying less, wanting less, and leaving less of a footprint on the earth. It’s directly related to simplicity.  Make your house minimalist. A minimalist house has what is necessary, and not much else. It’s also extremely peaceful (not to mention easy to clean). Learn what “enough” is. Our materialistic society today is about getting more and more, with no end in sight. Sure, you can get the latest gadget, and more clothes and shoes. More stuff. But when will you have enough? Most people don’t know, and thus they keep buying more. It’s a neverending cycle. Get off the cycle by figuring out how much is enough. And then stop when you get there. Eat healthy. It might not be obvious how eating healthy relates to simplicity, but think about the opposite: if you eat fatty, greasy, salty, sugary, fried foods all the time, you are sure to have higher medical needs over the long term. We could be talking years from now, but imagine frequent doctor visits, hospitalization, going to the pharmacist, getting therapy, having surgery, taking insulin shots … you get the idea. Being unhealthy is complicated. Eating healthy simplifies all of that greatly, over the long term. Exercise.This goes along the same lines as eating healthy, as it simplifies your life in the long run, but it goes even further: exercise helps burn off stress and makes you feel better. It’s great. Find inner simplicity. I’m not much of a spiritual person, but I have found that spending a little time with my inner self creates a peaceful simplicity rather than a chaotic confusion. This could be time praying or communing with God, or time spent meditating or journaling or getting to know yourself, or time spent in nature. However you do it, working on your inner self is worth the time. Learn to decompress from stress. Every life is filled with stress — no matter how much you simplify your life, you’ll still have stress (except in the case of the ultimate simplifier, death). So after you go through stress, find ways to decompress. Reduce your consumption of advertising. Advertising makes us want things. That’s what it’s designed to do, and it works. Find ways to reduce your exposure of advertising, whether that’s in print, online, broadcast, or elsewhere. You’ll want much less. Live life more deliberately. Do every task slowly, with ease, paying full attention to what you’re doing. Learn to do nothing. Doing nothing can be an art form, and it should be a part of every life. Go for quality, not quantity. Try not to have a ton of stuff in your life … instead, have just a few possessions, but ones that you really love, and that will last for a long time. Simplify your budget. Many people skip budgeting (which is very important) because it’s too hard or too complicated.

Always ask: Will this simplify my life? If the answer is no, reconsider.

 

regaining self-control.

We all know how easy it is to slip into bad habits. You stock up your candy dish at home for guests, but find yourself dipping in several times a day. Your boyfriend leaves his phone at home when he goes to the gym so it's practically begging you to snoop, right? Your Sunday football season routine went from promising you'd pass up drinking at all, to throwing back 2-3 beers every single Sunday. You told yourself you'd cut your shopping habits out for the next 2 months so you can put some dough away into savings, but after 4 weeks decided to sign up for a monthly shoe subscription. Every week when the Sunday flyer for Best Buy comes out, you drive over to buy the newest tech deal. You can't stop stalking your Ex on facebook. You went from eating dessert once/week to every single evening. Your once cut throat gym routine is practically nonexistent lately. Your promise to avoid the junk food aisle at the grocery store has disintegrated. Your post-6pm tech detox has turned into 3 hours of web surfing three nights a week.

Consider this; "A recent study by colleagues at Duke demonstrates very convincingly the role that self control plays not only in better cognitive and social outcomes in adolescence, but also in many other factors and into adulthood. In this study, the researchers followed 1,000 children for 30 years, examining the effect of early self-control on health, wealth and public safety. Controlling for socioeconomic status and IQ, they show that individuals with lower self-control experienced negative outcomes in all three areas, with greater rates of health issues like sexually transmitted infections, substance dependence, financial problems including poor credit and lack of savings, single-parent child-rearing, and even crime. These results show that self-control can have a deep influence on a wide range of activities.  And there is some good news: if we can find a way to improve self-control, maybe we could do better." (Scientific American Online)

Step One: Reconnect with why you wanted to have control over this bad habit in the first place. This means considering the BIG picture. Most likely, this habit is defying one of your larger goals. Crushing desserts, candy, junk food, and alcohol in excess is certainly not doing your goal of dropping 15 pounds any justice. Facebook and phone stalking isn't helping you get over your ex boyfriend, nor is it helping you get over your jealousy complex. Skipping your workouts is not going to help you get back into shape. Dipping into your savings account for a weekly shopping spree isn't going to prepare you for your future or an unexpected financial emergency. Surfing the web for 3 hours in the evening probably means you aren't logging any real quality time with friends, your significant other, or family. Simply slowing down, looking at the big picture, and revisiting your goals is going to help you focus on why you wanted to kick the habit in the first place and will help you take back control.

Step Two: Consider why it is you've lost your sense of self-control recently. Were your diet changes too rigid to actually follow? Are you using food or alcohol to deal with emotional issues? Are you afraid to power down because you might miss something? Are you having trust issues? Are you skipping the gym because your bedtime habits have recently changed, so you no longer have energy to get up? Is there something on your mind that you should be bringing up to your significant other? Is the jealousy monster rearing its ugly head? Is impulse shopping your way of coping with a larger issue? Is it impossible for you to pass on food if it's placed in front of you? Do you drink more because you felt awkward in front of your friends when you stopped? Once you can pinpoint what has caused you to lose your self-control, then you can put together a plan to get back on track.

Step Three: Focus on regaining control as soon as possible while considering what went wrong in the first place. If your diet plan was too rigid, consider easing up and allowing yourself a treat once in a while. If you can't walk by the candy jar or snack cabinet without picking out something unhealthy, consider not keeping those items in your house in the first place. If you struggle with curiosity as to who your significant other is in touch with, have a conversation with him/her about your concerns; most likely simply communicating with him/her will help put your worries aside. If you aren't convinced you need to save money, consider a scenario where your car needed repair, you lost your job, or your apartment was broken into; and just how much it would cost you to recover from the mishap. 

Self-control is a challenge for everyone, and we can all make a reasonable sounding excuse for every misstep. Excuses just feed into the problem. In the long run, the only person you are hurting is yourself. So the chocolate bar is some instant gratification for your taste buds, but what about for your waist line later? Peeping through your boyfriends phone may give you an answer now, but think about how disappointed he might be if he finds out later? Shopping for a new outfit might mean looking fabulous tonight, but will it do you any good when your car engine blows? That extra beer might be fun today, but how will it affect your day tomorrow? Stocking the house with treats will be great for when your friends come over, but will the goodies be half gone by the time they even show up? Surfing the web is a great way to entertain your brain occasionally, but will your relationship suffer because you do it every night?

When it's time to get back on track towards reaching your goals, think less about instant gratification and more about the long term rewards if you maintain self-control in the eye of temptation. Try not to act so impulsively. Most decisions don't need to be made in a flash so instead of indulging in that chocolate bar, the phone peeping, the money spending, the gym skipping, the beer drinking, or the mouth stuffing, think about how your firm decision now will make you a stronger person in the long run.

walking tall.

Whether you are walking into a crowded dinner party, a serious job interview, or if you are simply taking a stroll down the sidewalk, radiating a sense of confidence is the absolute key to getting ahead in life. How often did we hear our parents bother us about our manners while we were growing up- chew with your mouth closed, sit up straight, make good eye contact and flash your pearly whites. At the time, we just assumed they were being the nagging parents that we loved to defy, yet in reality they were just trying to prepare us for life in the real world. You have just minutes to make a first and lasting impression on someone, so being prepared for whatever is thrown your way is non negotiable. You should consider confidence an undergarment to be worn daily. We can follow a strict schedule on a given day, but what actually occurs is often times out of our control. What if you run into an old high school crush while you are grabbing your morning coffee? Or are approached in the grocery store with a date offer? What if you are introduced to a big wig CEO who is visiting your office from out of town? Or asked to make a last minute presentation at your monthly department meeting? Life is messy! We have to be prepared for anything; the people we might meet and the potential connections we could make. We constantly need to be prepared to nail that first impression because you never know how that person could help you get you ahead in life. When we boil all this chatter down, one word comes to mind- Confidence. It can be hard to achieve, challenging to maintain, gone in just seconds, but it always pays off. Everyone is instantly attracted to the outgoing girls- the ones who can smile and just light up a room. The ones that make strangers feel good about themselves and the ones that are comfortable in their own skin. You can be that girl! It doesn't mean you have to wear a size zero, have a perfectly straight set of chompers, have long luscious locks, or be dressed in the latest fashion. Whether you look like the blonde bombshell straight out of this month's Vogue magazine or not, you have got to internalize the fact that you are beautiful because, well, you are! Are you going to be that frowning and drabby looking brunette hiding in the corner of the party? Or are you going to be that smiling face everyone loves to see when they get to the office in the morning? Life is too short to not push yourself to be great. Why not work hard to accomplish everything your heart desires? Why not show people you are confident in who you are? Start today! Make a list of all the things holding you back from reaching your fullest potential. Then one by one create a no-fail plan for achievement. You want to be able to rock a pair of size twenty-nine '7 for All Mankind' jeans? Well get that butt of the couch and go for a run. Want your skin to glow? Save up for a facial or spa day where you can be pampered from head to toe. Want to get over your fear of public speaking? Go check the self-improvement section at your local bookstore or ask your girlfriends if you could practice a speech in front of them. Want to climb the latter at your job? Approach your boss and come up with a plan to make it happen. Want to be more confident? Be more confident! There is nothing standing in your way except yourself. You can have everything you want and be whoever you want to be. All you have to do is walk tall and believe!

kicking the addiction.

We all have habits we aren't proud of- biting your nails until they bleed, tanning until you're "Snooki" orange, crushing a non-fat no-whip cinnamon dolce latte every weekday morning via Starbucks, hitting your favorite store's sale every month because "you can't afford to save that much money", checking your ex-boyfriend's-new girlfriend's (whom you have obviously never met) Facebook page daily, having the inability to keep happy hour to just one drink (impossible I swear!)...and oh how we all know the list could go on and on. The truth of the matter is this- admitting that the habit needs to be kicked is the first step. Is there actual documentation out there saying that your habit is harmful to your health or the health of others? Are you unable to keep up with your finances as a result of your addiction? Is it impacting your relationships with friends, family or your significant other? When push comes to shove, we all have things that we do that we know aren't ideal for our well-being- but the real question is, do you want to change? Step One: Identify the problem and explain why it's a problem in the first place. For the sake of this article, I'm going to share with you an addiction I am currently trying to kick- tanning beds. I know, I know...awful for you. But in Vermont the winters are harsh- cold, dark, and long! It's tough to go months without an adequate supply of Vit-D, but tanning in "cancer beds" is not the answer. Just about a year ago there was even a 10% tax tacked on individuals at tanning salons; referred to as "Botax."

The American Academy of Dermatology, which strongly opposed the Botax, applauded the inclusion of the tanning tax as a replacement because of the significant health risks associated with indoor tanning. According to the Academy, indoor tanning before the age of 35 is linked to a 75% increase in the risk of melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer, which has also become more common in young females. Meanwhile, nearly 30 million Americans hit the tanning beds each year and about 2.3 million of these people are teenagers. An indoor tanning tax will therefore "serve as a signal from the federal government to young people that indoor tanning is dangerous and should be avoided," said Dr. William James, president of the academy. (CNN.com)

Step one complete- habit identified and research complete on why I need to kick it. I am not about to become a statistic for melanoma. Step Two: Make a plan. Change your daily routine so it's harder for your habit to rear its ugly head. Change your route to work so you don't pass Starbucks and start a change bin for all the money you would have used- it's insane the studies done on how much you could save. Switch your weekly happy hour meeting to every other week (and substitute meeting your lady friends for a post-work walk instead). Schedule a nail appointment, and let your manicurist give your nails a little TLC- once you see how nice they look when they're all cleaned up, you may change your mind about gnawing on them. Take inventory on your closet- do you really need more clothes? If you do, make a rule that for every new shirt you buy, you need to donate an old one from the way-back-of-your-closet-that-you-probably-totally-forgot-about-because-the-sales-tag-is-still-intact to charity. Step Three: Reward yourself! Off to a great start? Made it through Thursday without your coffee stop? Go on Friday and savor every drop. Skipped the store sale for two months in a row and donated 3 trash bags full of clothes? Limit yourself to $70 bucks and go find something chic for the dinner party you have on Saturday night. You don't need to be unreasonable with yourself. Kicking your favorite guilty habit isn't easy- and going cold turkey usually results in obscene amounts of crankiness. So make reasonable goals and make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for your hard work. Remember you are likely kicking your bad habit to make yourself healthier physically, emotionally, or financially- it'll pay in the long run even if it doesn't seem fair now. Oh! And you are probably wondering how my tanning addiction is going-- Upside? I'm 2+ weeks strong and have saved myself over thirty bucks. Downside? I haven't seen myself this pale in months and now I know why it's so difficult to let go- tan is sexy; pale is not. Not to mention it's still summer. Let's see what happens once November rolls around- it may be back to the drawing board.