first world pains.

I woke up this morning at my usual 5:45am, rolled over, and felt annoyed at the thought of dragging myself out of my toasty king sized bed. I should just skip my run, I thought to myself knowing full well what the weather was supposed to be like. No, I can't do that; I have to just stick to my training plan. So I rolled my eyes, lifted the blankets, and sighed heavily at the current situation. As I do every Thursday morning, I walked over to the window. I held my breath as I drew back a tiny corner of the curtain and peered outside. Much to my dismay, it was exactly as I predicted it would be; 29 degrees, dark, and a ground covered in snow and ice. I wanted so badly to gear up and do my usual Thursday morning run outside, headlamp on, and adrenaline pumping. Sidewalks weren't plowed, and with it being so dark in the mornings lately, I was worried I'd slip on some ice and injure myself. So all in a tizzy, I grabbed my sneakers and trekked on over to the gym, sporting my winter boots and jacket cursing the whole way. I had a case of the "First World Pains."

Recently, I stumbled upon a Twitter feed (@firstworldpains) that has now made me reconsider how I treated my first 15 minutes of being awake this morning. This feed is centered around mocking how ridiculous the people of the "First World" sound when they complain about their daily trials and tribulations. In reality, the "issues" that those of us residing in the First World face are bleak in comparison to what most of the population has to fight for every day. The ongoing quest for basic needs; a place to sleep, access to heat and air conditioning, food on the table, employment, a place to live, an income, access to healthcare and clean drinking water, the ability to communicate regularly with loved ones via phone and internet, access to transportation, and just feeling safe and secure. These are all things we, in the First World, too often take for granted. And when we take a minute to slow down and consider just how blessed we truly are, our daily problems seem miniscule...And laughable, according to the folks behind this Twitter feed:

I have to clean the kitchen instead of watching Netflix all day. #firstworldpains

There's too much syrup in my Starbucks latte. #firstworldpains

There are no good shows on television. #firstworldpains

After a nice facial yesterday, I woke up with a huge zit. #firstworldpains

My online order is going to take 7-10 days to ship. #firstworldpains

I'm really hungry, but nothing sounds good. #firstworldpains

I have "nothing" to wear. #firstworldpains

For my birthday, my parents got me a Droid instead of an Iphone. #firstworldpains

I have to go to work in the morning. #firstworldpains

My mom just bought groceries and there still isn't anything good to eat. #firstworldpains

My steak at the restaurant was totally overcooked. #firstworldpains

My sister is calling during my favorite TV show. #firstworldpains

I forgot where I parked my car in this mall's parking lot. #firstworldpains

My mom packed me a vanilla pudding, when I wanted chocolate. #firstworldpains

My backpack is too heavy from all my textbooks. #firstworldpains

Champagne gives me a headache. #firstworldpains

Having the heater on makes my throat so dry. #firstworldpains

I can't print my paper because my printer is out of ink. #firstworldpains

My satellite radio subscription expired while I was driving. #firstworldpains

I ordered Coke, but they brought me Pepsi. #firstworldpains

I had to go out in the cold to vote. #firstworldpains

I just memorized my debit card number and the bank sent me a new one. #firstworldpains

I forgot to put on deodorant today. #firstworldpains 

We're out of milk for my cereal. #firstworldpains

My web browser won't offer to remember my password. #firstworldpains

My dishwasher doesn't clean things perfectly. #firstworldpains

A foot-long Subway sub is too big for me, but the 6" leaves me hungry. #firstworldpains

The vending machine gave me Starburst when I asked for Skittles. #firstworldpains

My favorite show is a rerun tonight. #firstworldpains

My CC sticks to my my Iphone when I have them in the same pocket. #firstworldpains

All the food in my fridge spoiled because I bought way too much. #firstworldpains

My landscapers woke me up again this morning. #firstworldpains

My gum flavor runs out too fast. #firstworldpains

I always finish my shampoo before my conditioner. #firstworldpains

My radar detector only works on certain cop cars. #firstworldpains

I'm starving, but the kitchen is all the way downstairs. #firstworldpains

My arm is sore from playing Wii baseball. #firstworldpains

My parents are threatening to take my car away because of bad grades. #firstworldpains

I have to go to the Dentist. #firstworldpains

I can't think of anything I want for Christmas. #firstworldpains 

I had to wait 5 minutes for my car window to defrost. #firstworldpains

I have more shirts than hangers. #firstworldpains 

I dropped 17 cents, but refuse to pick it up. #firstworldpains

There is a dead bee in the swimming pool. #firstworldpains

Both bathrooms in my house are occupied and I have to go. #firstworldpains

All the groceries won't fit in the fridge. #firstworldpains

I don't have enough cheese for my crackers. #firstworldpains

The escalator at the mall is broken. #firstworldpains

I got a speeding ticket. #firstworldpains

I only have 10 minutes to shower. #firstworldpains

One of my headphone speakers doesn't work. #firstworldpains

I had to sit next to a stranger in the movie theater. #firstworldpains

This glass of water is unfiltered. #firstworldpains

Our new apartment is so big that we don't have enough furniture to fill it. #firstworldpains

The automatic toilet flushed before I was done. #firstworldpains

My car broke down, so I have to ride the bus to work. #firstworldpains 

The last sip of my cup of coffee had coffee grounds in it. #firstworldpains

A good song just came on the radio, but I have reached my destination. #firstworldpains

My school uniform doesn't look good with my new hair color. #firstworldpains

My parents made me hand write thank-you notes after my party. #firstworldpains

I finally have a day off of work and the cable is out. #firstworldpains

They didn't have my brand of peanut butter at the supermarket. #firstworldpains

I have to do laundry, but we ran out of dryer sheets. #firstworldpains 

Are you guilty? As much as we may get a good laugh about how pathetic we sound, the guys behind this idea were not so far off from some pretty serious food-for-thought. Don't lose sight of what's really important in life. We spend so much of our time complaining about the silliest and smallest things, when instead we should be remembering how lucky we are to have access to the things we have. When put this way, my morning seems like nothing. A king sized bed? Warm blankets? A gym membership? Running shoes? Winter boots? A jacket? My health? My ability to run? A lucky girl I truly am.

it's the little things.

As much as the holiday season can be full of cheer, the change in seasons can take a serious toll on your emotional well being and outlook on life. The excerpt below gives you a little insight into what life in Vermont is like for me during the winter and early spring- those average low's are no joke. Just looking at what's coming down the pipeline for me come January is giving me the blues- as it seems to every year!

Regardless of where you are currently calling "home", it's easy to let things like the weather conditions or boring routines get the best of us. Whether it feels like the same old workout, same old 9-to-5, same old dark-when-I-go-to-work-and-dark-when-I-get-out-of-work, same old dreary rainy day, same old hairstyle, same old clothes in your closet, same old Friday night, and same old weeknight meals, it's easy to lose sight of all those little things that make life exciting and meaningful. We get frustrated with the sameness that every day or week brings, and slip into the habit of under-appreciating all we have. Let us all take a moment to reflect on all those little things that help power us through our weekly blues. Maybe it's that warm fuzzy fleece blanket that is always waiting for you when you get home from a long day at the office. Maybe it's your weekly trip to Starbucks. Maybe it's one of those emails or letters from someone unexpected. Maybe it's a phone call to a long distance friend. Eating Leftovers. A lunch date at a new restaurant. A weekend away. A 10-hour slumber. A early morning run...in the rain. The little boy in the park taking his first steps. Baking cookies for your coworkers. A new book from the library. Praise for your hard work. Donating to a good cause. An answered prayer from God. Laying in bed with your work clothes still on. A text from a friend. Playing Monopoly...and losing, miserably. A big juicy cheeseburger. A kiss goodnight.

Whatever life throws at you, remember there is always something to be grateful for. Do not wish these days away hoping for something newer or better. Remember that the things that end up meaning the most in the long run are those little things we fail to appreciate each and everyday. So do yourself a favor, and start pointing them out to yourself. Living life in that manner will teach you to appreciate those "same olds." Yes, even those boring workouts, long days at the office, daylight deprivation, the hours on end of rain, the bad hair days, the same wardrobe you've had since the 9th grade, another Friday night on the couch, and yes, even when it's chicken for dinner again.

 (For more "little things," check out this website)

just believe.

It seems too often that we want to make a positive change in our life, but can't seem to actually get around to doing it. We talk about it, write about it, and even take steps in the right direction. Yet most of the time, we are caught "talking the talk," but not actually "walking the walk." Verbalizing we believe in something, verses actually believing in it are two wildly different ideas. Sure, we think we deserve more in life; to live a healthier lifestyle, to have stronger relationships, to live with passion, to chase our dreams, to never settle for less than we deserve. The problem comes when it's time to actually internalize these feats, and chase them. What we all need to start focusing on is the countless capabilities we all possess. We can achieve anything we set our minds to in life. It won't always be easy, and it won't always come without failure, but with constant committed action we can get there.

I recently had the opportunity to share a conversation with someone who decided to take actual committed action towards improving her life. She knew she had fallen into the trap of settling for less than she deserved, and finally decided to not just tell herself "I deserve better," but believe it and take action. It inspired and touched me in a huge way! Whether the change is big or small, easy or difficult, it is still something to be most proud of when all is said and done. The hurt, the time, the effort- all will be worth it in the long run.

We can probably all sit here today and pinpoint several aspects of our lives that are in dire need of improvement. Are you actually committing yourself to that belief and making a plan to actually change it? Or are you guilty of just saying, but not doing? Asking yourself these sorts of questions is the first step towards positive change in your life. The fact that you are thinking, writing, or verbalizing your unhappiness or disappointment in how something in your life is going is a major first step. The next task is asking yourself how exactly you will go about living differently; for the better. Will you get a gym membership? Talk to a professor? Apply for a new job? Have a conversation with your significant other? Talk to a financial adviser? Take time away? Once you refocus your energy from helpless and complacent, to committed and determined, you can move mountains. Life is a matter of perspective. Use that mind for all it's potential- in strong, focused, and enormous ways. Your true capability cannot be reached until you actually believe in yourself. Believe it.

"money in the bank."

I remember so vividly cross country running seasons my junior and senior year of High School. Long runs, short runs, umpteen practices, sprinting, calisthenics, hill runs, stretching, warm ups, cool downs, pre race routine, team dinners, personal records, and team victories. I still can recall the race day nerves, the pressure, and finally the shotgun telling you to run your heart out. And I did run my heart out many, many times. Pushing myself to personal limits, but knowing that the pain would be temporary and worth it in the long run- literally.

Once a week we had a hill training day. Our coaches would run with us to the bottom of this insane hill about a half a mile from our high school and we'd run up and down it for what seemed like hours. And when our team got to our final couple repetitions, and we were exhausted, sweating, and felt as if our legs had 50 pound rocks tied to them, my coach would always say "This is money in the bank." And what he meant was that our hard work now, would essentially be "stored" away until race day, having done all those brutal workouts, would be what propelled us across that finish line in flying colors. And as much as we'd roll our eyes at him, I realized come race day how right the man was. As much as some of our practices seemed absurd and torturous, come race day we never regretted all that pain our coaches put us through. It was that pain that made us each better runners and an altogether stronger team.

I still remember those seasons like it was just yesterday. We'd leave the locker room and run to the bottom of that big old hill; and I'd look up to the top and know what the next hour had in store for me. I'd cringe and curse through the whole thing, but when it would end, I'd celebrate it like I had just survived a natural disaster.

My coach may have been referring to stocking up on solid training days when he said that we were putting money in the bank, but the saying reaches far beyond hills, 3.1 mile race day courses, and our running shoes. The concept of "saving" applies to all facets of life. We set goals and work hard now so that one day we can reap the benefits of our immense efforts. Whether it's at work, in the classroom, at the gym, in our relationships, or on the field, to truly be as successful as we are capable of, we will have to push ourselves. We will have to take the sometimes painful steps necessary to meet the end goal. And you can guarantee some of those steps are going to be the hardest ones you've ever taken. Yet it's taking each of those steps that will lead you to victory. So the next time you are about to skip a class, slack off at work, procrastinate, half-ass a workout, become complacent, lazy, or settle for 'average' in life, remember what my coach said. Work hard now and you will reap the benefits of doing so later. It may not be as crystal clear as how a training run will directly affect your performance on race day, but life has a way of rewarding us for our hard work in strange ways. It's called deferred gratification. With a lot of hard work and a little bit of patience, you will succeed in reaching all your dreams.

risky business.

It's no big secret that this small town Vermont girl doesn't have much of a "live on the edge" personality. I've never been skydiving, ridden a mechanical bull, gone para-sailing, done donuts in my car, smoked a cigarette, had a one-night stand, or experimented with drugs. I've never been on a blind date, shoplifted, not studied for an exam, dropped out of school, traveled a long distance alone, or gambled. These are the types of items that you will find on any standard bucket list of risky activities.

The real risk takers in life tend to live by mantras like, "I can sleep when I'm dead," or "Life's too short not to try everything once." At the other end of the spectrum, you'll find the people who may live by the words, "Life is precious and fragile," or "I have too much to lose." Fear not though, because somewhere in the middle, there is a perfect balance.
 
My mother recently picked up some handcrafted coffee mugs that were engraved with the following quote: "Continue your journey beyond the things you already know, as new opportunities are just around the bend." And how true it is- Sometimes the only way to discover your true capability is to step out of your comfort zone. New opportunities are not often handed to us, we have to work to reach them. We have to step outside of the familiar and take a leap of faith that things will work out. I am a firm believer that all things in life work out just as they are supposed to, when they are supposed to. If you live by this too, then you know that as scary as taking a new risk may be, in the end it will be worth it. You'll either absolutely excel, or it will teach you a valuable lesson about life and who you are. This may mean leaving a job you don't enjoy, leaving a relationship that you have doubts about, moving somewhere new, pursuing a new hobby, pushing yourself physically, exposing your vulnerabilities, putting yourself out there, standing up for something you believe in, or trying something you have never tried before. Follow your heart, listen to your gut, and chase your dreams. Always remember that you are capable of anything.

defining your personal success.

Amongst the hustle and bustle of daily life, a jam packed schedule, daily commitments, and the 10-15 "hats" you have to wear every single day (wife, husband, brother, mother, runner, chef, chauffeur, business man, etc.), you need to insure that you are taking some time away to reconnect with simply yourself. If the words 'privacy', 'alone time', or 'solo mission' haven't existed in your life in several weeks or months, it may be time to hit the brakes and make a personal date. Reflecting on your values, morals, and goals on a regular basis is arguably what will define how successful you will be in life. Without adequate time to figure out what you want, what makes you happy, and what you could do without, how will you expect to move forward in a positive and successful manner? As difficult as it can be make the time, you should make it your priority. Personal growth begins with a commitment to yourself that you want to live your life in the most uplifted and passionate manner as possible. And it all begins by asking yourself what does success mean to me? Success as we've come to know it in this day and age usually revolves around fancy cars, fat paychecks, a big house, happy family, and multiple degrees. These are stereotypes. Why do we try so hard to compare ourselves to society's unrealistic framework of success? Probably because we're programmed that way! We are exposed to the lifestyles of the rich and famous far too often, and in turn, internalize what success is based on what we see. Take a moment to consider what success means to you. What is it that you want to achieve in life? Setting goals for yourself is the first step to actually achieving them.

"When success is pursued as proof of your worthiness, you are giving your life and efforts over to the assessment of others...but when success is pursued as the alignment of your innermost values and your goals, it becomes the validation of your inner truth; you honor your authentic self." -Cherie Carter-Scott.

simplicity is the key to successful living.

 "A simple life has a different meaning and a different value for every person. For me, it means eliminating all but the essential, eschewing chaos for peace, and spending your time doing what’s important to you. It means getting rid of many of the things you do so you can spend time with people you love and do the things you love. It means getting rid of the clutter so you are left with only that which gives you value. However, getting to simplicity isn’t always a simple process. It’s a journey, not a destination, and it can often be a journey of two steps forward, and one backward." 

-Leo Babauta

Every couple of months, I find myself reflecting on my current life status. Am I happy? Do I feel fulfilled? Stressed? Anxious? Complacent? Desiring more? And every time, no matter how happy or unhappy I am with my relationship, friendships, job, fitness level, financial status, etc., it all comes back to one thing. I need to live more simply. As people in the year 2011, we are constantly bombarded with information via media. Commercials, billboards, news articles, the world wide web, facebook- you name it, we have access. We can gather based on this information, what sort of lives people near and far are living- the clothes they wear, their standard of living, their fitness routines, their financial status, their relationships, family lives, belongings, routines, habits. Too often, we get caught up in trying to duplicate the lives of the lavishly rich or famous, because well, they look like they are having so much fun riding in their fancy cars, wearing the latest fashions, jet setting into the sunset, and attending parties fit for a king. There is a wide spectrum, of course- Anywhere from just trying to keep up with the Jones', to honestly attempting to replicate some of the insanity we see on TV- but on a budget a thousand times smaller. So what gives?

The reality is we all need to live more simply. Credit card debt shouldn't exist in the insane ways it does today. Young girls starving themselves to look like the airbrushed photographs of their favorite actresses shouldn't exist. The notion of "needing" 15 pairs of jeans, or 45 pairs of shoes shouldn't exist. The earth's present environmental condition and resource drainage shouldn't exist. How did things get so crazy? Since when did the pressure to live our lives to a certain standard become so unbearably rigid? We spend so much time, energy, and money on things we truly don't need, despite the fact that the media tells us otherwise. As I reflect today on how I am guilty of buying, doing, and acting - in a particular manner- I ask myself how it is I can get back to the basics. So, with the world wide web at my fingertips, I came across Leo Babauta's website and his article "Simple Living Manifesto: 72 Ideas to Simplify Your Life." Here are some of my favorite of his ideas:

* * * * * * * *

Make a list of your top 4-5 important things. What’s most important to you? What do you value most? What 4-5 things do you most want to do in your life? Simplifying starts with these priorities, as you are trying to make room in your life so you have more time for these things. Evaluate your commitments. Look at everything you’ve got going on in your life. Everything, from work to home to civic to kids’ activities to hobbies to side businesses to other projects. Think about which of these really gives you value, which ones you love doing. Which of these are in line with the 4-5 most important things you listed above? Drop those that aren’t in line with those things. Evaluate your time. How do you spend your day? What things do you do, from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep? Make a list, and evaluate whether they’re in line with your priorities. If not, eliminate the things that aren’t, and focus on what’s important. Redesign your day. Learn to say no. This is actually one of the key habits for those trying to simplify their lives. If you can’t say no, you will take on too much. Limit your communications. Our lives these days are filled with a vast flow of communications: email, IM, cell phones, paper mail, Skype, Twitter, forums, and more. It can take up your whole day if you let it. Instead, put a limit on your communications: only do email at certain times of the day, for a certain number of minutes (I recommend twice a day, but do what works for you). Only do IM once a day, for a limited amount of time. Limit phone calls to certain times too. Same with any other communications. Set a schedule and stick to it. Limit your media consumption. This tip won’t be for everyone, so if media consumption is important to you, please skip it (as with any of the other tips). However, I believe that the media in our lives — TV, radio, Internet, magazines, etc. — can come to dominate our lives. Don’t let it. Simplify your life and your information consumption by limiting it. Try a media fast. Purge your stuff. If you can devote a weekend to purging the stuff you don’t want, it feels seriously terrific. Get boxes and trash bags for the stuff you want to donate or toss.  Create a simplicity statement. What do you want your simple life to look like? Write it out. Limit your buying habits. If you are a slave to materialism and consumerism, there are ways to escape it. I was there, and although I haven’t escaped these things entirely, I feel much freer of it all. If you can escape materialism, you can get into the habit of buying less. And that will mean less stuff, less spending, less freneticism. Free up time. Find ways to free up time for the important stuff. That means eliminating the stuff you don’t like, cutting back on time wasters, and making room for what you want to do. Do what you love. Once you’ve freed up some time, be sure to spend that extra time doing things you love. Go back to your list of 4-5 important things. Do those, and nothing else. Spend time with people you love. Again, the list of 4-5 important things probably contains some of the people you love (if not, you may want to re-evaluate). Whether those people are a spouse, a partner, children, parents, other family, best friends, or whoever, find time to do things with them, talk to them, be intimate with them (not necessarily in sexual ways). Spend time alone. Free up time for yourself — to spend in solitude. Alone time is good for you, although some people aren’t comfortable with it. It could take practice getting used to the quiet, and making room for your inner voice. It sounds new-agey, I know, but it’s extremely calming. And this quiet is necessary for finding out what’s important to you. Eat slowly. If you cram your food down your throat, you are not only missing out on the great taste of the food, you are not eating healthy. Slow down to lose weight, improve digestion, and enjoy life more. Drive slowly. Most people rush through traffic, honking and getting angry and frustrated and stressed out. And endangering themselves and others in the meantime. Driving slower is not only safer, but it is better on your fuel bill, and can be incredibly peaceful. Give it a try. Be present. These two words can make a huge difference in simplifying your life. Living here and now, in the moment, keeps you aware of life, of what is going on around you and within you. It does wonders for your sanity. Establish routines. The key to keeping your life simple is to create simple routines. Learn to live frugally. Living frugally means buying less, wanting less, and leaving less of a footprint on the earth. It’s directly related to simplicity.  Make your house minimalist. A minimalist house has what is necessary, and not much else. It’s also extremely peaceful (not to mention easy to clean). Learn what “enough” is. Our materialistic society today is about getting more and more, with no end in sight. Sure, you can get the latest gadget, and more clothes and shoes. More stuff. But when will you have enough? Most people don’t know, and thus they keep buying more. It’s a neverending cycle. Get off the cycle by figuring out how much is enough. And then stop when you get there. Eat healthy. It might not be obvious how eating healthy relates to simplicity, but think about the opposite: if you eat fatty, greasy, salty, sugary, fried foods all the time, you are sure to have higher medical needs over the long term. We could be talking years from now, but imagine frequent doctor visits, hospitalization, going to the pharmacist, getting therapy, having surgery, taking insulin shots … you get the idea. Being unhealthy is complicated. Eating healthy simplifies all of that greatly, over the long term. Exercise.This goes along the same lines as eating healthy, as it simplifies your life in the long run, but it goes even further: exercise helps burn off stress and makes you feel better. It’s great. Find inner simplicity. I’m not much of a spiritual person, but I have found that spending a little time with my inner self creates a peaceful simplicity rather than a chaotic confusion. This could be time praying or communing with God, or time spent meditating or journaling or getting to know yourself, or time spent in nature. However you do it, working on your inner self is worth the time. Learn to decompress from stress. Every life is filled with stress — no matter how much you simplify your life, you’ll still have stress (except in the case of the ultimate simplifier, death). So after you go through stress, find ways to decompress. Reduce your consumption of advertising. Advertising makes us want things. That’s what it’s designed to do, and it works. Find ways to reduce your exposure of advertising, whether that’s in print, online, broadcast, or elsewhere. You’ll want much less. Live life more deliberately. Do every task slowly, with ease, paying full attention to what you’re doing. Learn to do nothing. Doing nothing can be an art form, and it should be a part of every life. Go for quality, not quantity. Try not to have a ton of stuff in your life … instead, have just a few possessions, but ones that you really love, and that will last for a long time. Simplify your budget. Many people skip budgeting (which is very important) because it’s too hard or too complicated.

Always ask: Will this simplify my life? If the answer is no, reconsider.

 

every 24 hours.

As much as it may not feel like every day is the opportunity to make a fresh start- it truly is. We have the luxury of living our lives in increments of 24 hours. The sun sets at night, laying to rest all the hardships and pain of the day. We fall asleep with hope that tomorrow will be even better than yesterday. The sun rises every morning, shining down on the new opportunities of today- which most of us find difficult to see. Somehow we fight hard internal battles as we try to let go of yesterday and move on to the present moment. We struggle to lay to rest the hurt of the past, and struggle to wake up feeling that inspired. We hold onto things for too long. We let them consume us and hang over our heads for days on end. We can't let go. Yet, we've all heard the sayings about the importance of laying the past to rest and looking instead to the future; for we cannot commit ourselves to making the best of today if we let the past dictate our future happiness. We all make mistakes. We all struggle. We all hurt. It's the way of life. It's those experiences that shape us into the person we are today. However, that doesn't mean we should let our past wholly dictate our futures. The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to let every day truly end when you lay your head to rest at night. Let go of the hurt and anger, and flush out the hard feelings as you close your eyes on today and prepare for whatever life will bring tomorrow. Wake up every day with a positive attitude. The attitude that "I was blessed with this new day, with this sunrise, and with the opportunity of X, Y, and Z." Every day should be treated as a luxury, and unfortunately most of us don't focus on this profound fact of life. It often takes a profound personal loss to realize just how fragile life truly is. Don't let it take a tragedy to learn the lesson that tragedy teaches. Life is short. Allow yourself to let go of the "muck", stop sweating the small stuff, and wake up each day rejuvenated by the knowledge that today, you can do anything you set your mind to.

kick your butt out of that rut.

15 Easy Ways to Rejuvenate your "Essence:"

1. Wear something extra "nice" on a random weekday [bring on the compliments!]
2. Have your makeup done.
3. Bake something sweet.
4. Get a spa treatment or massage.
5. Have a wine & cheese night with your friends.
6. Hike a mountain.
7. Plan a vacation or weekend away.
8. Take photographs, print, and frame. [great gift idea!]
9. Throw a "themed" get together/party.
10. Write a letter.
11. Watch your favorite childhood movie.
12. Have a good old fashioned slumber party.
13. Host a fancy cocktail party.
14. Use "Living Social" or "Group On" to find something new to try.
15. Surround yourself with people that make you laugh- laughter is the best medicine.

loving yourself.

Too many people in this world have a self-esteem problem. What happened to being happy with who you are? What happened to accepting yourself, flaws and all? What happened to embracing who you are, both inside and outside? What happened to being confident in yourself and your decisions? What happened to walking tall? What happened to believing you are worth something? Respecting yourself? Believing in yourself?

For too many of us, our positive thoughts about who we are have disappeared. We feel defeated and worthless. We inevitably all deal with bullying, hateful words, disrespect from others, "rejection," and failure at some point in our lives. For some of us, these types of things resonate with us for years and years following. We may find ourselves struggling with depression, eating disorders, thoughts of suicide, social anxiety, and shame. We may deal with intense embarrassment and refuse to ever truly put ourselves out there again, whether in the workplace, in friendships, in romantic relationships, or via social activities.

We will talk down to ourselves. We will actually begin to internalize the negative thoughts that other people have put in our head, or the thoughts we have put in there ourselves. We become angry and begin to hate ourselves for our "downfalls," and our positive outlook on life disappears.

"I'm overweight, no one will ever want to marry me."
"I'm too short, no one will ever take me seriously."
"I got fired from my job,so I'm incapable of doing anything right."
"I failed my exam even after studying 12 hours, so I'm dumb."
"I've never kissed a girl, so I'm ugly."
"I can't afford to wear designer jeans, so I won't ever be popular."
"I have acne, so no one will think I'm beautiful."

Overweight or under. Black or white. Short or tall. Poor or rich. Failed or passed. Hired or fired. Single or taken. Married or divorced.  No matter what your circumstances are in life, you are important. You are meaningful, powerful, strong, and worthy. You are beautiful, smart, and capable. Don't let your "flaws" get in the way of embracing who you are; don't let anyone tell you that you aren't worth something. Because you, my friend, are priceless. You are individual. You are unique. Every single part of you, down to the last freckle, grey hair, or pound, is important- it's what makes you, you. And you need to stop letting other people dictate who you should or shouldn't be. Just being you is the most powerful defense you have in life. There is nothing more inspirational than someone that embraces and lives their life based on who they truly are.

Although the world [and its inhabitants] can be the most hateful and angry place at times, it can also be the most bright and beautiful. Perspective dictates all. Fill your mind with positivity. Stay optimistic. Be tough. Speak to yourself and others will love and compassion. Remember that everyone [including y-o-u!] is fighting an internal or external battle that you may not know or understand. Kill only with kindness and praise. And above all, know that your daily struggles and hardships will pay off. Consider every single day as a new opportunity to push yourself to new limits and to embrace yourself and your reality.

how do you know?

Most of us stumble through life, not really knowing where we're going or what we're doing, but knowing we've just got to keep moving. Albert Einstein once said, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving on."- The guy was a genius so he must have known what he was talking about, right? In all seriousness, we all go through phases of struggle; ones where we don't know if the path we're on is the "right" one. We question our decisions, and wonder when everything will fall into place- or if it ever will. Our 20's, for example, are a particularly difficult time- and one I may have a little bit of experience in. It's a time where you are trying to establish yourself in the "real world"- you find yourself trying to establish a career, a serious relationship, and an adult life. You are trying to "grow up" and figure out what kind of life you want to create for yourself. You work on fine tuning your morals, values, and expectations for yourself and for the people you want to spend time with. Yet realistically it's not just your 20's that are a time of internal chaos. We will go through life a day, week, month, and year at a time dealing with hardship, confusion, and just trying to figure out if we're living our lives "right." Some will be easier than others, some more challenging, some we'll just want to give up, while others we'll be totally inspired. During those times of internal struggle we must remember Einstein's words. Life happens a second, a minute, and a day at a time. We spend so many of our precious minutes worrying about what's coming down the pipeline for us in the days and years to come. But the truth is, we don't know what's coming, so why do we spend so much of our time trying to figure it all out?

Many of us are guilty of living our lives by just trying to fit the puzzle pieces together in our minds and forming what we picture our future to look like. We meet someone and try to determine if they are the person that we'll share a lifelong friendship with. We'll fall in love and wonder if that's the person that we'll grow old with. We'll begin a career and wonder if it will be the key to financial security for the next 40 years. We'll invest our money into companies we hope will succeed and grow our bank accounts. We'll study something in college and wonder if a job in that field will be what we'll spend the rest of our life doing. We'll move somewhere and tell ourselves it's where we want to raise our family for years to come.

We plan and plan and plan and plan. And yet, life never turns out how we expect it to. Sometimes people walk into our lives, experiences happen, tragedy strikes, success reveals itself, perspective changes, and before we know it, that picture we painted of how we were "planning" on living our life suddenly changes. It morphs into something new.

It's a difficult line to walk. In many ways, we do need to plan and invest our time, energy, and emotion into creating a reality for ourselves that we want to be living now AND in the future. Yet in other ways, we'll dump our resources into something we can't make a guarantee on down the road. I think too often we find ourselves trying to mold something that isn't right into what we want it to be, rather than pushing ourselves to find something we won't have to "change." This applies to all faucets of life; romantic partners, friendships, jobs, career paths, living arrangements, among hundreds of other things.

So how do we know if the decisions we're making today are the ones that will make us happy down the road? Well, we don't. We don't know if that girl you are dating is the one you'll spend the rest of your life with. Maybe someone else walks in when you least expect it, and makes you doubt your commitment to her. We don't know that the job you have is going to be one you'll be passionate about for the next 6 months, year, or 10 years. Maybe you pursue an interest that you end up falling in love with and change career paths completely. We don't know that the skills we gained from that degree we got from that college will ever be used in an actual job. Maybe we'll never even pursue a career within that field of study. We don't know that our current location is where we'll want to still be living in a year from now. Maybe we'll be inspired by a new acquaintance to travel the globe and explore new places.

 Despite our best effort, we can only do so much to set ourselves up for the future we think we want today. Tomorrow we may wake up with a whole new idea of what is going to truly make us happy now and in the future. The most important part is to remember that it's OK to have invested that time and energy into something we may realize isn't right anymore- that's just how life goes. We only figure out what we want by putting one foot in front of the other, going out and taking risks, and being honest with ourselves. Spending 100k on a degree we'll never use. Burning fuel traveling the globe to only realize that where you want to be is right here. Making yourself vulnerable to a person that will only break your heart. Every single decision, choice, and experience will make you a stronger person. Every single decision, choice, and experience will bring you one step closer into figuring out what makes you happy.

Do yourself a favor consider what you want in life today. Once you've got your list, make a plan and go get it! Don't let anything or anyone hold you back from chasing your dreams and creating the reality you want. You have one single life to live, and if you aren't living with some passion for your life, then you aren't really living. 

what ISN'T success?

Instead of asking what the definition of success is, let us consider what success isn't. Success isn't a destination. Success isn't reached and then simply maintained without hard work. Success isn't permanent. Success isn't an accident. Success isn't always going to be well received by others. Success is rarely achieved without failure, setbacks, and loss. Success isn't achieved without hard work, commitment, honesty, and courage. Success isn't achieved without ongoing committed action. Success doesn't happen overnight.

What are you doing today to reach your goals? Success takes time, adequate planning, and perseverance. Anything is achievable when you accept that you will experience hardship along the way, and let every tough time motivate you to continue to push forward.

are you settling?

We've all been told to never settle for less than we deserve. Usually it comes from our parents, family, close friends, or lovers; a group of people who cares about your happiness and well-being above all else. Often straight from the heart, uttering these words is usually a result of: 1. Witnessing specific people taking advantage of you [ie: dating someone that doesn't appreciate you, dealing with friends who don't look out for your best interest, spending time with people that drain your emotionally, letting people put you down]. Or 2. Watching you take advantage of yourself  [ie: staying at a job that makes you miserable, choosing a career path that isn't right for you, putting yourself in bad situations repetitively, living in a place you hate].

Most of us, more or less, understand what someone is getting at when they tell you that you shouldn't settle for less than you deserve in life. The hardest part is realizing that you can do far better in life than what you may be allowing yourself at this very moment. The tragedy of it all doesn't lie in recognizing the disappointment first hand, the tragedy is many of us continue to stay in a situation because it's what's easier. We stay at a job because it's a paycheck and the job market right now is a struggle. We stay with a boyfriend or girlfriend because it's easier than being alone, and having to move our stuff out of the mutual apartment would be too much work. We go to and stay in college because it's what's expected from our parents. We stay in a tough marriage out of fear of disappointing our families. We continue to let friends borrow money or bail them out of trouble because we feel guilty when you don't. We continue to feed into our unhealthy physical health because we're lazy. Regardless of what the situation may be, we need to stop thinking about what's easier and start thinking about what's best for ourselves. It's ok to be selfish in life. It's ok to want nothing short of the best. But what isn't ok is making excuses for why we aren't experiencing life to it's fullest at this very moment. We have a mere 100 years to live, and each day should be lived to it's fullest. We should never find ourselves caught in ordinary, when we can be living extraordinarily. If you are caught in mediocrity, why not push yourself to new heights? Why settle for a lifetime of somewhere in the middle?

 The important part of breaking the cycle is admitting you are settling. You have to take your head out of the sand and recognize that you are not truly happy. Everyone is capable of happiness- but you have to work for it. Happiness isn't handed to you, you have to commit yourself to creating a lifestyle and surrounding yourself with people that will help you to get the most out of life. Anything in life is achievable, and that's what many people refuse to believe. Life is too short to be pessimistic- looking on the "bright side" of things is sometimes the best way to go. The world can be a terrible, tragic, and depressing place at times; many of us know this first hand. But the truth of the matter is that your world can be comprised of less sadness than you may think. There are going to be things that happen that you cannot control. Good or bad, happy or sad. Take control of your life and your happiness. Hold yourself accountable for the life you are choosing to live right now. If you know you can do better, you can get more out of life, and you are determined to live with passion, then DO IT. You will have setbacks, roadblocks, and days you question if taking the path less traveled is truly worth it. Someday you will stop and realize what an incredible life you have created for yourself. It won't be perfect, but it will be one you can take responsibility for. You will give yourself a pat on the back for insisting on living a life of major accomplishments, happiness, passion, and personal love. If you are well on your way there already, then be proud of yourself! Too many people go through a life of mediocrity, but realistically no person should ever have to settle for less than they deserve. Set high standards for yourself, and surround yourself with people- friends, significant others, coworkers, trainers, doctors, and family- that have your best interest in mind and will support you on your quest to improving your life.

The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little. -Thomas Merton

some KIND of perspective.

 Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Plato

Just as you should never judge a book by it's cover, you should never judge a person by a bad first impression. We all have our bad days, one which the worst part of us comes out. There is usually an underlying reason for this, one in which others don't always take into consideration when they witness someone being rude, standoffish, or angry. Consider this: You see a woman screaming at her kids in the grocery store parking lot. The guy in front of you is driving super slow. A woman parked in your reserved spot. Someone cut you off in traffic. The lady in front of you isn't going right on red. Our boss snaps on us. A woman is walking slow in the grocery store and blocking the whole aisle. We listen to a man's rude conversations with the sales clerk.

We've probably all been in situations like these. Our usual reaction is to get frustrated, annoyed, honk our horns, or ride someones tail. We let out loud sighs, mutter under of breath, and might even make a rude comment at someone. It might ruin our day, send us into a tizzy, and cause us to take out our frustrations on someone else, as a result. Talk about paying it forward; "it" being that bad mood. And bad moods are not something to pay forward.

Now let us reread those scenarios:

We see a woman screaming at her kids in the grocery store parking lot because they spent the last hour hitting each other. The guy in front of you is driving super slow because he's on the phone hearing tragic news from a family member. A woman parked in your spot because she was late for a job interview that will make or break her career. Someone cut you off in traffic because their significant other was just admitted into the ER. The lady in front of you isn't going right on red because her friend was paralyzed in a horrific accident doing that. Our boss snaps on us because he just lost a huge business deal. A woman is walking slow in the grocery store blocking the aisle because she has an abusive spouse who's worst side comes out if she forgets anything on the list. We listen to a man's rude conversation with the sales clerk because the gadget she sold him a week before is already busted and his child won't stop crying about it.

Now, had you known that was the underlying issue that person was dealing with, would you have been a little kinder? A little more understanding? A little less apt to get frustrated? A little less likely to get angry?

Sometimes people are dealing with issues in which no outsider would know about nor understand based on a single impression. No one can really understand what would possess someone to act or say the things they do sometimes. The reality is we are all fighting internal battles. We all have moments where nothing seems to go right; points where our exhaustion, sadness, and anger get the best of us. And as a result of trying to cope, we are all guilty of taking this out on others. The truth of the matter is that life is hard. Things happen that turn us into angry balls of fire. All anyone is trying to do is make it through those bad days.

It's important to consider a scenario like the ones that are listed above from both perspectives- Are you the one cutting people off in traffic? Or are you the one being cut off? I think the most unfortunate thing of all is that bad days are contagious- I mean to say, if you are on the receiving end of someone having an awful moment, your day might turn sour as a result of having an interaction with them.

Unfortunately there is no such thing as being able to avoid bad things happening in our lives. But what we can do is try a little harder to be understanding. Don't be so quick to get annoyed or frustrated with someone that seems to just be trying to ruin your day. They probably aren't. In most cases, there is a real reason that person is acting or saying the things they are. Put yourself in their shoes. And by the same token, if you are having a bad day, try you hardest not to pass that on to an innocent bystander. I think with a little more understanding, a little more respect, and a lot more focus on the things that bring us all together (verses pull us apart), we can all battle through the ups and downs of life in a more positive manner.

spread to thin.

I have found myself, several times in my life, with just too much on my plate. And it's safe to say that we've all found ourselves in that scenario at one point or another. Whether it's trying to balance school, a career, a family, friends, a workout routine, a beauty regimen, a diet, a budget, a relationship, a social life, or any of these (plus more!) combined, there will inevitably reach a point where you sort of hit a wall. Often times, we experience heightened emotional reactions, while other times our bodies shut down and we become physically sick- think colds, the flu, skin breakouts, or cold sores. When we experience a high level of stress (especially over long periods of time- chronic stress or anxiety), we are making ourselves more susceptible to illness. It's important to focus on prevention- keeping ourselves from getting extremely worn down in the first place. This may mean sacrificing activities when our schedules become too extreme. Many of us think we are some sort of superhuman superhero, but the reality is we are not (Harsh, I know). We all have our limitations, and our daily requirements for healthy functionality- things like sleep or caloric intake that allow us to "run" properly.

Prevention is the best way to avoid hitting a brick wall physically and emotionally. Sometimes you need to learn to say "no." It's hard for some of us because we want to be able to do and have it all. We want to make everyone happy, surpass expectations, and prove to the world that nothing will get us down, oh no it won't. We all need a hefty dose of reality though; we can only perform to the best of our ability if we take care of #1 first. You can only be as good for your boyfriend, wife, family, children, boss, coworker, or workout instructor, as you are yourself. You can't expect to pass through your day with flying colors if parts of you are malfunctioning.

So how can we prevent ourselves from pushing ourselves too far? How do we know when to say "when"? How do we know when enough is enough? The truth is that no one knows you better than yourself, especially when it comes to how you are feeling on the inside. Don't feel like having to turn something or someone down because you know you physically or emotionally cannot handle it is going to be an end-of-the-world disappointment- life goes on. The only person you will be letting down in the long run is yourself, when you inevitably reach that point where you are physically ill, emotionally distraught, and then forced to sit out because your body won't let you take another step. Take a moment to consider the big picture when you commit to adding something else to your schedule or agreeing to meet certain expectations. Ask yourself if it's truly going to be worth it. Because I guarantee there will be a point where you do find yourself saying it wasn't worth it.

Tips for Prevention: Make a schedule. Be honest with others. Be honest with yourself. Set limitations. Establish boundaries. Ask for help. Verbalize your concerns. Learn your limits. Give yourself a break. Take care of yourself. Make priorities. Take some credit. Above all, just be realistic- you are one single human being, and as much as you think you can go through life constantly pressing the envelope, it will catch up with you. And recovering is much harder than preventing is.